I was a technology executive in the early 1990s and had my heart broken by the man I thought was “the one.” As I traveled frequently for business, I didn’t have a lot of time to date in town, so I created my first dating profile as a charter member of Love@AOL in 1994. I quickly learned the art of creating an irresistible profile and joined multiple sites to see the difference in services. I decided to write a book about my stories in 1995, because some of them were so hilarious and others just unbelievable. I found that I was meeting marriage-minded men, so very quickly my friends started asking for dating advice. As an Internet executive in the Web 1.0 days, I always kept an eye on the industry, even while in a relationship and decided that I wanted to write about the marriage of love and technology, two areas that I was very well versed in. CyberDatingExpert.com was created in 2008 as a site for Dating in a Web 2.0 World. Singles and couples share their dating stories in the Cyber Love Story of the Week and the Peril of the Week features and my team and I provide dating advice and the latest information on Internet dating.
The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online is a memoir and romantic journey of my quest to find love in cyberspace. I wrote the book to share my stories so I could make a difference in the lives of singles who were considering online dating or struggling through a break-up. It was viewed as a modern digital day version of “Sex and the City.” The book starts out in the early 1990s, where I was the first one on my block to create an online dating profile and is filled with fairytale romances and a few heartbreaks as well, along with the lessons learned.
What makes your coaching program unique, how does it work, who is it for?
As an early adopter of the Internet and online dating, I created my first online dating profile in 1994. I have extensive experience with most of the dating sites from the dial-up days to mobile. What makes my coaching programs unique is the fact that I personally used online dating sites in my 30s, 40s, and 50s. During that time period, I was very successful in finding love online. I also learned to spot the red flags to help shorten singles’ search for finding love online. Although my coaching programs are for singles from college age up to 70s, the majority of my coaching clients are in their 40s to 60s, with many becoming single after a long-term marriage or divorce. Everything in the irresistible coaching programs is customized. All sessions are done live via phone, in person or SKYPE and we create the profiles in real time. After a profile is created, singles continue to coach before, during, or after their dates, and even while they are in a relationship to make sure they stay on track. It’s considered the Rolls Royce of online dating coaching. Singles can sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter and read our blog at CyberDatingExpert.com in between sessions.
Tell us more about your Irresistible Profiles?
Irresistible Profiles is a very customized coaching profile program where we create the catchy screen name, decide on the best photos, and write a compelling essay with the correct amount of words to attract the man or woman that fits your dating goals. We have three levels of service: The Flirt, Going Steady, and Totally in Love. Totally in Love is our most popular service, which includes 30-days of unlimited email support.
What’s the online dating boot camp?
Online Dating BootCamp and Mobile Dating BootCamp programs are longer-term coaching services. A typical online dating BootCamp participant will sign up for 10 One Hour private coaching sessions to continue while the profile is still fresh.
What would be your number one tip for someone who just got out of a relationship, and is scared to start dating again?
Know that you’re not alone. Most people don’t join online dating sites with huge enthusiasm. Usually a friend twists their digital arm and they put one toe in at a time. Remember that online dating is a numbers game and you need to play to win.
What’s the number one trouble people come to you with?
Unfortunately people often have unrealistic expectations in a date or a mate. I look at their list of requirements and it’s so impossible to achieve that it would scare away a potential date. Remember that we’re not all perfect and limit your list to the top 10 most important traits. Then look at the Top 3 most important traits. If a man or woman thinks that they can’t meet your needs, they’ll move on to the next fresh face, so be realistic.
Can you talk about working with men vs. working with women? Do they face the same issues, troubles?
You’d be surprised at how many men I work with who tell me they are really looking for a long-term relationship or marriage. The women think the Internet is filled with serial daters and players, but that isn’t necessarily so. Both men and women really want to love and be loved. Companionship is the ultimate key and I find that both men and women really do desire to find a special relationship. Men often feel insecure if they’re not making enough money to afford to court a woman, where women often feel insecure about the extra 10 pounds of weight they might have gained. I say toss away the insecurities. Authenticity is in style, so post recent photos and show some truth-in-advertising if you want your relationship to stick.
What’s your take on online dating vs. traditional dating?
At this point, just about everyone knows someone who has met their significant other or spouse online, so toss away any stigma associated with online dating from the analog days. Online dating is just one option to find love and romance. Realize that you need to cast a wide net and be out at events that you’re interested in and accept every personal invitation. If a friend or Matchmaker knows of someone to fix you up with, say yes. Even if there isn’t a love connection, you might have just made a new friend and expanded your social circle.
Julie Spira is the leading online dating, cyber-relations and mobile dating expert. She’s the Editor-in-Chief of CyberDatingExpert.com and creates irresistible profiles for singles on the dating scene. Julie’s the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Her dating advice has reached millions and she’s appeared in over 400 media publications as the go-to person for online dating advice. She’s currently writing her second book, The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web. Visit CyberDatingExpert.com where you can sign up for the Weekly Flirt newsletter. Follow @JulieSpira on Twitter and like her at Facebook.com/CyberDatingExpert