When two people get together to form a relationship, there is always a degree of give and take. Some people take a little more than they should and some give way more than they have the means to provide and thus problems set in. Let’s look at three key elements of a relationship: money, love and sex, and let’s examine what can happen when selfishness or selflessness rears its ugly head.
Money Problems
We can probably all relate to the selfish partner who wants to hoard all the money. You go to work for most of your day, you come home and your partner wants to spend all your hard earned money on stuff he or she doesn’t really need. This is selfishness to the nth degree. Some partners go so far as to make the other partner ask permission to spend their own money. They go work for their money and their partner tells them how and when to spend it. How do you like that? That’s selfishness and it’s easy to see how selfishness and money can spell disaster for even the strongest of relationships.
A selfless person might work all day and then come home and shower their partner with money and gifts. Their every waking moment is dedicated to providing their partner with every want and need, often to the detriment of themselves. This selfishness as it relates to money reeks of co-dependent behavior. The person is so afraid of losing their partner that they give them everything they want, even more than they actually have sometimes. This can also spell disaster for any relationship.
Selfish Vs. Selfless Love
The selfish person in the relationship is only in that relationship because it serves her/him. Sure, they care about the other person in the relationship, but they’d trade the other person in a heartbeat if a better person came along. The selfish partner doesn’t really care what her/his partner wants, only that both of you are happy. The feeling is that the other partner should make me happy so that we’re both happy. Little care is given to the actually wants and feelings of the other partner, only that they exhibit that they are happy to keep the peace between them. This is no way to go through a relationship, which is why selfish behavior is seldom rewarded between girlfriends/boyfriends or husbands/wives.
The selfless partner cares very little for her/his own wants and desires. As long as the other person is happy, he or she is happy. Again, this is no way to sustain a relationship. Only when both partners work together can the relationship hope to blossom. Otherwise, the partner who is showered with selfless love will only grow to resent the other person. Not sure why it happens. It’s just human nature.
Sex Problems
The selfish lover is the worst kind. The person is always quick to start and first to finish. They don’t give a care about your pleasure and they will only try new things as long as it pleases them. They are the one who sets the stage and calls the shots and if you get your rocks off at the same time or before he or she does, then good for you. If you didn’t get yours, good luck getting the selfish lover to finish you off. It’s all about my orgasm, baby. Who cares about yours? You know the type of behavior. These lovers never manage to keep their partners long. Usually the other person goes looking for love and affection somewhere else since they’re not getting it at home.
The selfless lover spends hours massaging you, caressing you, making sure you feel good. This type of lover doesn’t care if he or she experiences an orgasm. The goal is to make you scream with pleasure. While this sounds awesome, everything can get old after a while. With no cross-stimulation, the other partner is likely to get bored very quickly with all the one-sided attention. Even lobster would start to taste like bologna sandwiches before too long. Both partners should be pleasuring each other if they hope to keep things new and interesting between the sheets.
Balance Is Key To A Healthy Relationship
As we see, selfish love and selfless love are both toxic at extreme ends of the spectrum. The key is to have a healthy balance of love and respect between man and woman. Selfish behavior should turn into sharing and selfless love should be converted to mutual respect. Only then can the relationship hope to continue and flourish for years to come.
We want to hear your $.02 on the subject. Are you selfish? Selfless? Do you have a story or example you’d like to share? Leave your comments below.